They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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