dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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