I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
