Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
