Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
i out mim tonsoeep
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
