New invention idea: vibrating tampons
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
