just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
