Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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