Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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