funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
