See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
