can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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