I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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