Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
