Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Randomize
