This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
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