I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
