Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
