no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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