I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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