you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize