Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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