Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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