He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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