At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
