i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
