my vag is so smooth its legendary
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just had sex on a roof
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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