im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
