sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
