Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Ladies don't puke and tell
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
