That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
