sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
