Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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