I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
