I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
