Jerry, you need to find god
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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