Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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