1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
