im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize