i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
