Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
