i think i have herpe
just one?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
