You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
