Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
