Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
