I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
