If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
