He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I wish there were birth control emojis
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
