I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
