my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
