we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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