I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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