Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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