My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
