Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
