Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
