I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
