doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
