I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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