I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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