Need sex. Gaining weight.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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