you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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