I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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