The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
