i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize