Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
How does it feel to date your dad?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
