Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
