I didn't shave. On purpose
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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