first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
