i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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