The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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