i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
