She is in my trunk
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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