he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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