so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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