walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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