i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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