thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize